The Dilemma of “Shoulds” – The Hidden Clutter

Posted on April 8, 2012 by ashi

One day I was in the amazing house that we were caretaking, feeling incredible gratitude at its beauty and the opportunity it gave my husband and me. This home had a lovely pergola-covered patio, where I would frequently enjoy my breakfast or lunch when nice weather beckoned.

This house was so amazing for us that I once again found myself in a place of gratitude as I was walking out onto the patio. As I stepped through the doors, I heard a familiar childhood voice that said, “Well, enjoy it now because it won’t last.” It’s a tricky thing when “shoulds” get disguised as some other energy and heart-draining directive. The message here really was “you shouldn’t enjoy feeling happy, or having nice things, because you will probably lose them and then be disappointed. Or, you shouldn’t dream of something more or better because you can’t have it anyway and you’ll be disappointed.”

I heard that familiar voice so clearly that I stopped in my tracks and witnessed it. I simply responded with “thank you, but that is not my truth.” I then flicked the fingers of my hand to release the energy from my space. . . on continued onto the patio to enjoy chirping birds, sunshine and a yummy lunch.

Shoulds come from our families and society. They come from a place, not of trying to hurt us or limit us, but from the place in them that feels limited or less than. They likely heard those same shoulds when they were growing up. If one doesn’t become conscious of their thoughts, then it is easy to pass them on to our own children and others as being THE truth, when it is merely their truth.

No matter what the should is that runs through your daily thoughts, remember that they are someone else’s truth essentially implanted in your psyche at some point in time: “You should have had plenty of money saved by your age; you should only marry once – as in, you made your bed, now you should lie in it . . . no matter what; you should follow the rules; you should do as you are told; you should not question authority or anything else.”

The beautiful thing about our journeys is that we have an ability to choose, to change our minds about what we believe, or to simply change the channel.

If you are interested in clearing some of your internal clutter that is represented by the shoulds in your life, here are easy steps to move you in the direction of more freedom and equanimity in your space:

1. Acknowledge that you heard the should. This creates more awareness which in turn helps you feel more empowered and able to choose how you wish to respond. If the statement is not who you are, state that out loud/to yourself.

2. Witness the should statement, versus emotionally engaging with it once again and bringing that energy deeper into your psyche. Then that particular should energy will be able to effortlessly leave your space – like watching a leaf floating down a stream. Whenever opportunities to notice something like this come up for me, I view it as a gift, as an opportunity to heal and release.

3. Bless the source of the should (or offer a simple blessing of gratitude that will help you release that energy more easily).

4. Release the energy in whatever way suits you (i.e., flick your fingers to remove it from your space; imagine a big balloon and put the should in the balloon – then release the balloon into the sky; with intention, blow it out of your space with three quick breaths)

Ride the wave of the Spring Cleaning energy at this time of year and, in addition to sprucing up your physical home, notice opportunities to release some old shoulds in your life. It is a time of renewal and new birth . . . and nothing is more important than your own individual rejuvenation.

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Best Gift This Holiday Season: Self-Care

Posted on October 9, 2011 by ashi

This blog doesn’t sparkle, blink, or light up your house . . . and it may very well bring you the best gift you can give yourself this holiday season. At this time of year when your senses may be … Continue reading →

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What if that old saying is actually true?

Posted on October 2, 2011 by ashi

You know that old adage, “you are what you eat?” What if it is actually true? What if it makes a difference whether you grab a fast-food burger and fries for lunch versus having an organic salad with fresh greens, vegetables, a few nuts and goji berries?

If you were to believe this statement was true, would you consider making a change in your life as part of improving your health? Or does the whole idea of making change sound too hard, too overwhelming, and you don’t know where to start anyway? What if there was help available and you could take baby steps rather than make radical change – would you play with that idea? There are no right or wrong answers to these questions. There is no one “right” way to live our lives; it’s all a matter of how you choose to experience your life.

In my world of helping people declutter, my perspective on clutter incorporates anything that is not in sync with the person you have evolved into over the years, or that interrupts the ease and flow of your life – and that can extend to what you put in your body.

In my own experience, I dealt with fatigue and food allergies for many years. I tried a number of allergy elimination diets and blood type diets, and still I continued to feel fatigued and never felt satiated or nourished with my food. A friend told us about green smoothies being promoted as an avenue to significantly improve one’s health.(If you’re curious, check out Victoria Boutenko, a queen of green smoothies who travels the world helping people improve their nutrition.)

From my experimentation with green smoothies, further research helped me morph into a vegetarian raw food regime that I absolutely love. I’m coming up on the two-year mark and the raw food lifestyle was the key that unlocked access to nutrition and vitality for me.

I am clearly drawn to alternative ways; I don’t subscribe to the norm. Some think I’m a bit strange at times, but my life works for me. I’m always curious about how I can experience it with greater health and wellbeing on all levels. But that’s me. What do you want? What are your dreams for yourself, your loved ones and your children?

I just finished watching a DVD called, Food Matters. It offered profound insights not only into the foods we eat, but the prescription medicines many people consume when there are alternative ways to heal our body through vitamins and foods. (Also see www.foodmatters.tv). Many people just don’t know there are options other than to take another pill.

This DVD was amazing. It’s all about nutrition, nutrition, nutrition – produced by nutritionists and featuring experts/researchers/doctors in the field of natural healing from all over the world.

As I watched it, I thought of various clients and family members with ADHD symptoms, depression, allergies, asthma, cancer, depression, diabetes, depleted immune systems, and MS who might find some support through a different protocol than prescription medicine. I am not one to subscribe to quick fixes for our health challenges, but I’m open to exploring avenues that may move me in the direction of better health.

I particularly liked the information shared by Andrew Saul, PhD, a biologist and university professor, who was one of the presenters in Food Matters. I was so impressed with his insights that I picked up a copy of his book, Doctor Yourself – Natural Healing That Works. I scanned through a number of health issues and discovered an impressive array of successful vitamin remedies on everything from ADHD to vaccinations – and everything in between.

According to the participants in Food Matters, there is a significant body of research dating back 75-100 years on the beneficial effects of proper nutrition and vitamin consumption to heal the body. The problem is that most people look to their doctors for this information; sadly physicians are not schooled in this area. It seems a prevailing perspective of vitamin supplements is that they can harm you; however, the research does not support that misinformation.

The invitation is to ask your own questions, do your own research, and learn to become your own doctor in terms of taking responsibility for your health.

I am sharing all this with you because I care. I want everyone to feel better and happier. I can’t heal your bodies or your life, but you can. And it all starts with baby steps and “what if.”

 

 

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Rather Than How Much is Enough, Are You Enough?

Posted on August 12, 2011 by ashi

I frequently receive links to various YouTube videos/cute photos/beautiful vistas. My discretionary time is precious, so most get deleted.

However, today I received an email from a woman I know who is on an awakening journey and wants to meet and discuss possibilities of how I might support her life journey. Along with her email, she attached a video she thought I might enjoy.

This is one of those days that I get to kick back and catch up at my desk after a full week. I thought I would just quickly open the link and get on with my work. In the first 10 seconds I was hooked and gave myself permission to sip my tea and just receive this woman’s talk. I liked her energy, her humor, her presentation and what she had to say. As I listened throughout the 20-minute clip, my list of who I wanted to share this with started to grow longer.

The presenter, Dr. Brene` Brown, tapped into the words I hear from clients all the time relative to shame, control issues, fear of vulnerability, struggling with feeling disconnected, and essentially not feeling like “I am enough.” It’s a good message.

In all our journeys, there are places we try to protect in ourselves, to avoid vulnerability for fear of finally and irrationally discovering that we are not enough (which is, of course, impossible).

Usually the first thing out of a prospective client’s mouth is, “I am so ashamed.” This is frequently followed by embarrassment, guilt and disbelief at their situation. Some dear clients don’t feel they deserve their lives to be better; some struggle with trying to find a little nugget of themselves that is worthy of love; some try to control how things might change (I’ll only make a move if I can figure out what it will look like before I take any action); some want to trust but have forgotten how; and all are suffering.

Early on in my spiritual journey, I participated in a series of weekend workshops on the Oregon coast. One weekend I was walking the beach and a beautiful rock called to me. It weighed about 2 lbs. and resembled the shape of a slightly curved fetus. I’m not sure if this rock claimed me or vice versa, but it became an almost constant companion for many months.

I called this rock my Stone Baby. Some thought I had gone just a bit crazy as I purchased a receiving blanket to wrap it in and a preemie carrier so I could hike with it. I slept with her and had physical contact with her as much as was possible. At that time in my life, before any healing, my heart really was like that Stone Baby. It was there, but I couldn’t feel it, couldn’t connect with myself. I hadn’t learned how yet.

At one of our sharing circles during a workshop shortly after my baby arrived, I found the courage to ask if I could pass my blanket-wrapped Stone Baby around the circle. I asked each person to say something to this baby. In hindsight I now realize that each person spoke the words of deep love that they would most like to hear about themselves about their inner baby (perhaps words never heard from their parents). It was a spontaneous, powerful healing for me and everyone who participated. Tears flowed and heart openings occurred.

As a child, I never learned how to love and nurture from that place deep in my heart that knows I am enough. That inability showed up in tumultuous relationships and much pain for many years. The healing started with Stone Baby and piece by piece I have come to recognize that (mostly) I am enough. I hold out the mostly because I’m not done healing and I continue to be drawn into that place that wants to love more of me/all of me.

When you experience those painful experiences where you feel like you are not enough or feel shame or disconnection, try asking yourself, “What part of me is feeling disconnected? How can I love that part of me that appears unattractive or unpleasant? How can I love me more?”

I have a photo of me when I was about 4. She is so adorable and I love her dearly. When I experience those bumps in the road and feel disconnected, I imagine wrapping my arms around my 4-year old self and telling her all is well, she is deeply loved . . . and she is enough.

Dr. Brene` Brown: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Qm9cGRub0

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How Much Is Enough?

Posted on June 15, 2011 by ashi

My husband and I just spent a wonderful anniversary weekend up in the mountains and stayed at a lovely place. The proprietor also managed many cabins in the area and we were particularly interested in finding a cabin by a creek that we could rent this summer. I thought the bigger the creek, the better, as I love the sound and feel of moving water.

However . . . after looking at a number of quaint and sometimes curiously appointed cabins, we were standing on the deck of one cabin, which was situated right on the creek’s edge. As I listened to the roar and watched the swollen and forceful St. Vrain Creek barrel its way down the mountainside, I noticed my heart space felt very uncomfortable. I recognized it was too much energy coming at me and I’d never be able to sit by this creek and relax.

We then ventured on to a couple of cabins located by a much smaller creek. As we stood by this water, I was able to breathe deeply, I felt relaxed and joyful. I wanted to be here. It was talking to me. It felt nurturing. It felt like home for me.

With my clients who are challenged with too much stuff in many categories, I often ask the simple question, “How much is enough?” It becomes a recurrent theme as they go through the process of decision-making about what possessions to keep and what to release, as they move towards creating a space that feels nurturing and welcoming for them.

Initially, clients frequently can’t imagine parting with all their perceived favorite treasures, as in “I love them all!” – while concurrently lamenting about feeling overwhelmed by the impact of too much stuff/ too much energy in their space. With my support to help them move past their initial resistance, they start discovering how free they feel by releasing the “too much” of their possessions.

As much as I love the St. Vrain Creek’s beauty, it’s too much energy for me to handle. When something is too much, it becomes clutter. It essentially short-circuits our systems, we stop making rational decisions (or any at all), and start to feel anxious, unsettled and overwhelmed.

My new love is my little creek. Less is more. It is enough and it makes me happy.

How much is enough and how much is too much in your world – with your possessions, your activities, your thoughts? When is less more? Where is your balance point that allows you to feel and experience your life energy at its optimal level?

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Ride the Wave . . . It’s an Exciting One

Posted on May 2, 2011 by ashi

Not only does it appear as though time is speeding up (as in how did it get to be Mother’s Day while I was still thinking about how much snow we’d get in January?), but some of us are also feeling the changes in our bodies.

Last week at client’s home, my head was spinning so much, I casually leaned against a door frame to prevent the possibility of kissing the floor. Considering our Earth is literally shifting her axis, it’s not surprising to feel a little off kilter in our bodies. I have learned of several others who have been feeling this head spinning phenomenon.

One friend said she wanted to make some changes in her life, but she wanted to wait for that time when things would feel like they were leveling out a little bit. I had an “aha” moment where it became evident that this “leveling out” is not to be the nature of our upcoming lives. We are in the midst of profound changes and expansion of our hearts through the 2012 transformations that will change our experience of our world.

It seems we are essentially riding the waves of these changes and if we can imagine that we literally have sea legs, then we can find our own balance, even in the midst of turbulence. The key is to not fight it, but ride it like you would a surfboard and know all is well. Yes, it can be scary to be on that big wave, but it’s also exhilarating and empowering . . . and it’s a journey we have all come to Earth to experience at this time.

We are transitioning to a new vibration, a new normal, and all our reference points are shifting from head centered to heart centered. Even though at times it appears that only chaos reigns, remember that it is only a perception from our intelligence. The possibilities are thrilling for each of us individually, our collective consciousness, our Earth and Universe.

As you are in the midst of these fluctuations, think about your world in terms of clutter – those things that will hold you back when your soul only desires to move forward. What do you want to carry with you into the next future version of yourself? What possessions are worthy of being part of your new expanded heart self?  What perspectives may be outdated and can be released with gratitude? What belief systems served you at one time but their time of effectiveness has passed?

More than anything, this is not a time to hold on to what was. It’s time to embrace a new vision of ourselves and welcome even those things that are unfamiliar and maybe even a little scary. Scary never stopped the true adventurers . . . but it does make for a great story later on doesn’t it!

 

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Are you holding on to your banana . . . the story

Posted on April 3, 2011 by ashi

Years ago I heard a story of how African natives used to capture monkeys without harming them. Imagine a tall glass bottle similar to a decanter that has a smaller opening at the top. A delectable banana would be placed inside the bottle and left in the area where the monkeys roamed. Enticed by this treat, the monkey could easily slide its hand into the bottle. However, once it grabbed on to the banana, its fist was too large to be removed from the bottle while continuing to hold on to the banana. Hence the dilemma . . . let go of what it wanted (thought it needed) or HOLD ON TIGHT to the banana and become a prisoner. Apparently the natives knew the personality of the monkeys; they easily captured them because the monkeys consistently chose to hold on.

Time and again with my clients, the pattern has been that they would rather hold on to their stuff (the things they thought they must keep) while at the same time becoming prisoner to it – through feelings of overwhelm, indecision, frustration, self-judgment, guilt, etc.

In the age-old question of what to hold on to and what to release, it always comes down to this: Will you feel relief and empowerment at letting something go or will you continue to feel stuck and burdened by keeping it?

Every time I start working with a new client I offer the banana story as a means of bringing a new insight and inviting introspection into each person’s inner workings. When people choose to call me, they are stuck, they are imprisoned and don’t recognize it’s because they are holding on to whatever form their “banana” takes. They have created their own jail.

This week I worked with one of my favorite clients on her main clothes closet. Joan had so much resistance to even going there, but with my loving persuasion she followed my lead. She was in a transition place of having lost some weight while simultaneously introducing a new style – one that was fun and alive and a bit more daring. It reflected the person she was evolving into, but she was scared to fully embrace it.

As we sorted through one piece at a time, trying things on as needed, she ran into the banana dilemma: “Should I hold on to this thing that I know no longer works for fear that (1) I might gain weight back and need it, (2) I might not really be who I think I’m becoming, or (3) I’m simply afraid of change. I’m so pleased to say she chose to let go of the banana again and again.

We finished half her closet that day. In the end, she released a large stack of clothes for Goodwill and was as excited as a kid on Christmas morning with what she chose to keep. As I left she was sporting a Cheshire cat grin and the energy to match it.

How many bananas are you holding on to in your life? Will your holding on take to you the place of your dreams and to the place most of my clients envision: a peaceful, joyful and harmonious space to wake up in each day.

(Originally posted 3/7/11)

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The Dining Table Saga

Posted on April 3, 2011 by ashi

When we come to the end of 2010, which is just another year, we know we don’t need to hold on to December for fear there will never be another. We trust that life will continue to evolve in its own way (I call it divine timing and unfoldment). This is a story about letting go, of healing, of self-love and trust.

I tend to work with clients on a long-term basis, frequently 1-3 years. We start out working on their physical stuff, and by the time people call me, there’s usually a great abundance with which to work.

One of my dear clients, Cindy, has been working with me for several years now and she has experienced miracles in so many areas of her home and life as we have cleared away that which no longer supported her, which no longer reflected her passions, or which no longer gave her joy.

In the process of all that releasing, she has had an opportunity to explore and examine many of her belief systems around what she holds on to and how she may bring healing and love to those parts of her being. One area that has continued to present a challenge to Cindy has been her dining room table. We have talked about the dynamic of that table many times and she has felt restricted and stuck. Even though she has been diligent about working her way through things, it has been a very slow process in this area.

I know enough of when to give a little nudge and when to allow the process to unfold and to present healing in divine timing, so we have just acknowledged the table was “there” and have not tried to force the issue. Forcing never works as it is merely a pushing against energy and the energy always pushes back in response. And that really doesn’t feel good.

As Cindy and I met last week, she said she was ready to address the dining room table. I am very intuitive and clairaudient; as we walked over to the table, I was very clearly shown what was going on – to the degree I immediately had chills run through my body. I call them truth bumps.

As background, Cindy has had a very long history of physical illness of various kinds for a significant portion of her adult life. As soon as one thing subsides, something new presents itself. She has lived a life of chronic pain and can never seem to get past it. She is one of the most courageous people I know.

As I approached the table, I saw that the table represented completion for her and that it was directly tied in with her illnesses and pain. It was clear that if she was not in pain, her perception and belief system meant that she would be dead! If she couldn’t feel pain, which was a familiar benchmark for her, she unconsciously concluded she would not be able to feel herself, thus she would be dead. As I relayed what I was seeing and hearing, she was immediately struck by the truth of it and had to grab onto something to keep from falling down.

This was the beginning of her release of long-held beliefs that were no longer supporting her and no longer reflective of the amazing being that she is. She is a healer; first and foremost she is here to heal herself, from the inside out. That is her journey and she is doing it magnificently.

As she released these old beliefs last week, there was an immediate opening for more to follow as new perspectives and insights were revealed that allowed her to truly create and rescript her life in the manner that is consistent with her soul intentions.

It was never about the table – it was what it represented. It was not about what was on the table, but what was inside Cindy that kept showing itself in a conspicuous place until it was time to be seen.

So, back to the beginning of this story. As we come to the end of this year, I invite you to reflect on whether you have a “table” in your life that could be viewed from a fresh perspective and bring you a level of healing and freedom that you previously hadn’t imagined possible. I see the end of the year as an opportunity for reawakening, for recreating your truest desires, and for reclaiming a part of yourself with which you have felt disconnected.

(originally posted 11/2010)

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It’s So Quiet (and I love it!)

Posted on April 3, 2011 by ashi

One of my fabulous clients has a home in excess of 8,000 sq. ft. In the year that Julia and I have been working together, she has tried so hard to make her space feel like home to her. Spanning three levels, we have decluttered, rearranged, and moved her things, all the while creating some level of peacefulness in small pockets throughout her expansive home. I have hauled carloads full of released items to Goodwill and progress has been made. However, much more remains.

She has worked so hard to create lists to follow, including regimes for exercise, nutrition and self-care. I love Julia’s tenacity and the eagerness with which she approaches each new list. However, her pattern is that she has only been able to maintain each newly imposed regime for about a week before it falls by the wayside due to the apparent influences of her full life.

At the beginning of our sessions, it’s not uncommon for us to sit and talk for a few minutes about what is going on in her life, where she needs assistance, what is plaguing her, etc. One morning she said, “I have no place in this house that is mine and I can’t see any area that could become mine. I have no space to meditate or be alone.” That sentence proved to be the turning point for her.

On the upper level there was a small room that originally was slated as an office, then became the library, then became the catch-all for clutter of all sorts (i.e., books that didn’t fit on the overstuffed shelves, clothing that didn’t make it to the consignment shop, items that needed to be returned but hadn’t yet). Underneath all the stuff, it was a beautiful space with a large window. It was located in a more isolated part of the house and I could see great potential for it.

I suggested to Julia that this room would make a perfect meditation place. She had a little resistance because the room was so full you couldn’t enter it. I kept talking to her of possibilities and she was a bit nonplussed when she realized I meant we could start on the space right then! (It’s not uncommon to have a bit of fear when a part of ourselves is about to make a significant shift.)

Because of our work together, Julia trusts me and was willing to follow my lead. We completely emptied the room into an adjacent guest room; she was stunned to see the volume of what came out of that space, and to discover things she had been looking for or forgot she even had.

Once emptied, we freshened up the room by cleaning the shelves and vacuuming. Whenever you want to shift the energy of a space, cleaning it is an important part of the process. It lets the space know you are caring for it again and appreciate its function in your home. It’s an act of both gratitude and reverence.

Then I suggested she bring in a very comfortable chair. She found a beautiful chair that was no longer needed in another area that was being revamped. As she sat in the chair to try it out, a big smile came over her. She was so excited that for the first time in her life she was going to have a true space of her own.

Julia didn’t create an elaborate regime this time. She simply made a commitment to herself that each morning she would come in here by herself, and for herself, so she could learn to connect more deeply. She decided to get up 30 minutes earlier while the household was still quiet so that she could have her private time.

As part of Julia’s “homework” after I left, I recommended she select special items that she wanted to surround herself with to help anchor the energy of her new space. Julia met me with great enthusiasm when I arrived for the following week’s session. She was like a beautiful child, full of joy, while sharing that she had spent time with herself each day in her new meditation space. Showing off her new room with special journals, inspirational cards and sacred objects was the first order of business that day.

We then continued our declutter process by starting to address all the items that had been removed the previous week. Julia knew she only wanted her favorite books in that room: the ones that uplifted and guided her, the ones that spoke to her soul journey. Many books went the way of donation that day. In the end her bookshelves housed the best of the best for her. They were not crammed into the shelves to fill them to capacity; there were just enough . . . and there was room to breathe.

Six weeks later, with her new regime integrated in her life, Julia has found a new level of peace within herself. She has learned that creating a space for herself always starts from the inside. She meditates almost daily now. Her level of equanimity with handling life’s challenges has increased greatly. She is noticing the shift and absolutely loving it.

When she last showed me her lovely space, she said to me in a reverent whisper, filled with gratitude: “It’s so quiet.”

I smiled with knowing and joy for her and our world. Clutter is noisy and interferes with us hearing and connecting with ourselves. Julia found her way to her inner self. Where can you find or deepen your connection?

(originally posted 9/2010)

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Wear Your Own Shoes . . . They’re the Perfect Fit

Posted on April 3, 2011 by ashi

One of the common themes among my women clients is the need to be perfect . . . to look perfect, do “it all” perfectly. Sometimes they project that I’m perfect (which let me assure you that I do not match their projection).

One of my clients actually said, “I just want to put my foot exactly in your footprint so I can walk your path because it’s perfect.” Have you ever found yourself wanting to be someone else because you perceive they have a perfect life?

What I’ve found with all my clients who are overwhelmed with clutter is that the physical clutter is truly insignificant compared to the mental clutter with which they continue to overwhelm themselves.

Just as I am able to see all the possibilities available to people beyond their physical clutter, I also see the limitless potential that wants to burst forth from my clients. I recognize the prison that “I should, I must, I’m not enough, I can’t” creates.

Where did we get this sense that there is only one way to live – that there is an enormous rule book of THE way to be in the world, THE way to feel, THE way to look, THE way we must behave so that we can feel loved? How can it be that we have forgotten that we all deserve to be loved . . . or that by our very essence we are love?

And that is my work – to help bridge the gap between the belief systems and the spiritual truth of who we are: each an individual, each imbued with amazing, unique gifts and ways of being that enhance the world and give meaning and purpose to our lives.

Feel your gratitude, experience your inner strength and rejoice that you are wearing your own shoes on your amazing journey!

(originally posted (9/13/2010)

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